THE SKINNY ON MINDSET
Okay so you’ve heard the word mindset. You’ve maybe seen some Facebook ads with coaches or yoga teachers talking about it. You’ve maybe even taken a moment to ponder your own mindset…but really you feel a bit lost and couldn’t identify if your mindset is growing, or shrinking or anything in between.
Ever studied Plato’s theory of the Cave? Essentially there are these people who live in a cave and know nothing of the outside world. They are happy and content in their life because they perceive their life as good, even though we all know that living in a cave would be pretty vibe-less.
WHERE IS YOUR MINDSET
If you’re constantly consumed by negative assumptions and beliefs then you’ll probably be pretty unhappy.
On the other hand, if we can be grateful and look at the world with more positivity then we are more likely to be happier. Ultimately, perception is your reality, so changing the way you look at your life can make the difference.
But where do we start? How do we know if we aren’t living this way already or that in some areas we could be doing a better job? Where is our mindset holding us back?
It can be hard to identify the ways in which we keep ourselves from growing and advancing. That’s part of the problem with a negative mindset—it clouds your judgment.
SO HERE WE GO…
9 THINGS KEEPING YOU FROM A GROWTH MINDSET!
1. YOU FOCUS ON WHAT’S GOING WRONG
Are you a fixator on the negative?
Do you assume that people or events will always disappoint? Have you stopped trying because you are sure that things won’t ever go your way?
If this is you then yep, I would 100% say that you’ve been consumed by negativity and need to work on your mindset.
Now don’t get me wrong. Things can be crap and trust me I haven’t sleepy through the last year…it’s not been an easy one. BUT I am also sure that there have been good things in your life too but you probably didn’t notice them because you were blinded by the negativity bomb.
2. THERE’S NO VICTORY PARTY BECAUSE YOU’RE STUCK IN MOURN’SVILLE
If you resonated with above chances are you’re a pity party person too.
Do you glorify the negative things that happen and stay stuck reliving them over and over again? When something good happens do you struggle to celebrate it? Do you belittle it? Do you already start to point out the negative in the positive?
Not taking time to celebrate your wins, congratulate yourself and taking pride in your accomplishments makes it pretty hard to believe that you have worth and will succeed in the long run or ever. Your not fertilising or nurturing growth but rather poisoning the soil before the seeds of success ever take root in the first place.
This kind of mentality is sending yourself and the universe the wrong message.
Before you know it years will have passed and you will have missed out on so many small victories and bright spots in your life. We need there to be balance in our lives. Yes it won’t be sunshine and roses all the time but if we don’t ever stop to smell the flowers, no matter how small or insignificant, we won’t be able to appreciate the bigger moments either.
3. YOU’RE HIDING FROM THE TRUTH
Are you avoiding your bank balance? Do you blame things on others all the time? Is the algorithm against you? Is that habit of constantly complaining about how it’s everyone else’s fault having any effect on the outcome?
Owning up to your own role and responsibilities isn’t always fun and it can be a terrifying place to put yourself in.
We need to be aware of our actions and their outcomes or we will never be able to change, learn and grow.
Be reflective in your relationships, your finances and your career, the first few steps are going to be the hardest and perhaps the most eye opening but over time you’ll feel in more control, garner respect and build deeper positive relationships. Take action to change the things that you can. Speak the truth when you see an injustice. We need to own the part we play in this life and until you can accept that fact and change your mindset, it will never be realistic, and you will always be plagued by resentment that your expectations are not being met.
4. DO YOU FEEL ANGRY AND RESENT OTHERS OFTEN?
This is a big one that lets us know that we need to change our mindset.
Do you feel jealous or envious of others? Do you feel that life isn’t fair? Are others getting an easy ride and profiting off what you deserve?
This kind of mindset is going to get you nowhere and only feed negative emotions that keep you from evolving. It’s also a really difficult mindset for others to be around too as it can greatly effect your family and friends.
We want to be happy for others in our lives and be able to celebrate their wins with them rather than wanting to rip the rug of success from under their feet.
5. ARE YOU CONSTANTLY UNSATISFIED?
Maybe you had big dreams for your life, maybe you imagined yourself in a completely different career, maybe you thought you wouldn’t still be living in your home town, maybe your current life just isn’t what you had expected…so what?
Having goals and dreams are great and they push us but they’re counterintuitive if we are holding them over ourselves as a reminder of everything we didn’t achieve or complete.
When we set goals and dream we want them to be aspirational but not excessively high or unrealistic, otherwise we will never achieve them and never be satisfied. This all comes back to seeing the world as it truly is and being grateful for what you do have.
Yeah, maybe you’re not where you thought you’d be but where are you now? What things have come into your life that are great that maybe didn’t originally make it onto that vision board? This is why it is important to adjust and shift our mindsets with the ebbs and flows of life.
6. DO YOU CREATE TENSION WITH THOSE YOU LOVE THE MOST?
Feel like all you ever do is disagree and argue with those you’re closest with?
They say up you say down, they say summer you say winter, they say blue you say red?
It’s okay to challenge and play devil’s advocate sometimes but if you’re constantly halting others ideas, thoughts and opinions what is the point? Your mindset might be causing you to find fault in what others say or think and if you keep inserting yourself as the thought police eventually they’re going to push you out.
Your arguments with them may reflect more on you than on them and they won’t see you as someone who is reasonable or can be reasoned with. Try to see where they’re point of view, look at it from a different angle—it could change your mind for the better.
7. DO YOU ‘HAVE TO DO’ TOO MUCH
So you keep saying this on repeat: I have to do this. I have to be here. I have to take this call. I have to write this email. I have to…can you finish the sentence?
Do you look at the things in your life as inconveniences? Are you the martyr that has to look after everything? Yes you have to clean the house…but the house is what you wanted and it keeps you safe. Yes you have to set an alarm and go to work…but the job is one you fought for and it pays your bills. Yes you have to spend your Saturday’s driving your kids to their sports games and clubs…but this is the family you always dreamed of.
When you find yourself viewing everything as an inconvenience instead of as a welcome opportunity, it usually means that you are no longer appreciating what you have.
8. DO YOU PLAY THE VICTIM CARD
I’ve been guilty of this one more times than not. Everyone’s against me, no one wants to be my friend, you’re always blaming me!
Sometimes others are in the wrong and you’re being treated unfairly, however if we constantly view ourselves this way we start to lose the value of our own self worth.
We see ourselves as less than. It doesn’t empower you or push you or inspire you. It keeps you trapped and shrinking away with fear. This is classic low self-esteem stuff that could have started from a bully or an overbearing parent.
Can you reject this role you’ve been playing and start to create a new narrative of someone stronger who stands up for themselves?
9. DO YOU HOLD A GRUDGE?
It’s high school behaviour isn’t it? Holding onto the wrongdoing of someone else because it hurt you.
I’m sure that as adults the sting doesn’t become any less painful when we are hurt by those we love or work with however when we don’t let this experience go we are only leaving these wounds open to fester and get infected deeper.
Do you circle around the dramas of others over and over again? If this all sounds a little too familiar maybe it’s time to let some of these experiences and hurt go. It’s a negative behaviour of someone else, who I am sure has completely forgotten and moved on by now, and you’re left clinging to it and absorbing the negativity of another’s actions. Free yourself.
Write it down and burn it, sage your house, do whatever you need to do to rid yourself of what you’re holding onto.
WANT SOME OF MY FAV GROWTH MINDSET BOOKS, PODCASTS AND INSPIRATION?
Get my top 2021 mindset shifting list below for a list of some of my favourite books, podcasts, coaches, speakers, and audio books that have helped me transform my negative mindset.